The New Religion

Okay, people, I have it all figured out.  I read this article, and it gave me a great idea:

I’m going to start a new religion.  I think I’m going to call it the Temple of the True Believers or something like that.  There will be no specific, written doctrine, so anyone with any beliefs can join.  Then, I’m going to start ignoring the laws I don’t like because that is what my deeply held religious beliefs tell me to do.  There are so many possibilities, it is mind boggling.  In fact, this is the time to really apply my imagination.

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I have even gone through the trouble of selecting a religious symbol.  I picked it because it is a happy face that gives two thumbs up.  That means you have the approval of the Temple of the True Believers to do whatever your deeply held religious beliefs tell you to do.  In other words, if it makes you happy (one of the basic tenets of this new religion), do it.  There is no meanness in this new religion – hence the happy face.

I have also selected the first piece of music for the liturgy.  Make yourself HAPPY, and listen to it at least once a day.  It will do you good – physically and, I guess, spiritually since this is, after all, a religion.

Now to the meat of the matter. Here are just a few of my plans:

  • I am going to go into my friendly, neighborhood bank and demand a few hundred thousand dollars.  I am a socialist, and I don’t believe anyone should have that kind of money.  Since banks have a lot more than I do, I don’t believe that is right according to my deeply held religious belief in pure socialism.  I will take that money and help other people.
  • I will stop paying taxes.  I don’t approve of the job the government is doing, so why should I support it.  According to my deeply held religious beliefs, I feel it is my obligation to stop financially supporting a government I feel is corrupt, etc.
  • I will stop paying my bills (See #1.  Remember, I am a socialist.).

I can see that this ruling could end up being a really good thing.  After all, most of us have deeply held beliefs.  Now, all we have to do is call them religious, and we’re good to go.  I guess I have the Supreme Court of the United States to thank for all of this.


Posted in Philosophy/Ideas, Satire, Taboo 2 by with no comments yet.

A Car Tale

They call me “The Clunker,” I’m not much to see
I sit here alone every day
It makes me so sad to know what they think
And I wonder how long I can stay

I’m quite an old car, with things that don’t work
And it hurts, for I used to have pride
Now I’m ashamed of the dents and the rips
And no one takes me for a ride

I spent my life working, accepted my fate
I worked hard, did my job, lived my life
And now I’m forgotten, as I sit here and rust
It’s a pain that can cut like a knife

I was here when they needed me; I was loyal and strong
I didn’t let them down, that is true
I know they don’t see that I still have a dream
But I don’t know what else I can do

How can I get them to fix up the scars,
And restore all the gleam and the shine
To mend all the bumps and replace what was lost
And restore all the strength that was mine.

My heart is still here, and I am still strong
Don’t judge me by what you can see
Beneath all the pain is the car that I was
Under it all I’m still me

If you could just help and fix all the things
That have broken with service and time
I know I could be the car that I was
If you can, well, just give me a sign

I’m ready to work and ready to drive
And ready to get out and be
The best in the world, just give me a chance
To be happy and proud to be me.

I’m tired of hurting and being alone,
“The Clunker” would much rather thank
The people who fix me and help me to be
The car that is known as “The Tank!”

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I have nothing to do with my time but sit here and think and… write poetry. I was born in 1963 in Miami, Florida.  I wasn’t really a fancy car, that is true, but I was big and strong.  I was bought by a family with two young children.  I took care of them for many years.  Then, when the young man was in college, his parents gave me to him.  So, I have been with William since I was born.

William was always very nice to me.  He was happy with me because I did not cost him a lot of money.  In all of the years he drove me, he only rebuilt my engine twice.  I believe I have almost half a million miles on me, but the odometer has been broken so long, I can’t be sure any more.

Then, in 1996, he decided he needed a new car.  I didn’t have any air conditioning, and he wanted to keep cool.  What could I do?  So, I retired.  He took care of me and drove me once in awhile but, eventually, he forgot about me.  I just became a thing he didn’t want to part with because he had been with me from the beginning.

Now, I want to be beautiful again.

Please don’t bury this old wreck
Just because I’ve gone to heck

Very Sincerely and Hopefully
“The Tank”


Posted in Humor, My Creative Writing by with no comments yet.
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